Japanese Etiquette: Why the Behavior of Japanese People Might Seem Strange to Estonians?

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Japanese behavior often seems strange to us. Why do Japanese customs seem unfamiliar to Estonians? 

I have a clear answer to this question:
Japanese behavior may seem unusual if we don’t understand Japanese culture and etiquette.
In the right context—Japan—everything makes perfect sense.

How to Behave in Japan When You Don’t Know the Rules

A friend of mine went on a business trip to Japan. Before leaving, she asked me: What should I pay attention to? How should I behave in Japan?
It was her first time visiting, and she didn’t know what to expect.

I gave her an answer that surprised her at first but, according to her, was very helpful:
If you don’t know how to act in a situation, be passive and reserved.

Don’t try to "solve" the situation or get creative. Don’t take initiative. Simply remain composed and slightly hesitant.
This allows the Japanese people around you to help you.

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The Invisible Rules of Japan

Why? Because every situation in Japan has dozens—if not hundreds—of etiquette rules.
These rules are not something you can logically deduce—you either know them or you don’t.
By staying passive, you give Japanese people the chance to guide you correctly—according to the rules.

But the first proactive step you take? You’re likely to make a mistake.
And you might not even realize it, because Japanese people will go out of their way to make sure you feel comfortable, even if the situation was actually awkward for them.

Japanese Business Culture: How to Make a Seating Mistake

Let’s say you visit a Japanese company and are invited into a meeting room.
You walk in and, thinking proactively, choose a seat at the far end of the room to stay out of the way.

You’ve already made a mistake.

In Japan, hierarchy is always in place.
I’ll write more about hierarchy in the future, but for now, here’s an important rule:
The most senior person sits farthest from the door, and the lowest-ranking person sits closest to it.

By choosing a seat at the far end, you’ve unknowingly taken the most important person’s seat.

If you’re a guest, the Japanese hosts would likely offer you that seat themselves. But by taking it on your own, you’ve disrupted the expected order.

A better approach? Step inside, stand quietly, and wait for the Japanese hosts to guide you to the appropriate seat.

A Japanese Person in Estonia: The Gap of Unfulfilled Expectations

Now, let’s look at the reverse situation—a Japanese person visits Estonia.
Here, we don’t have dozens of rules for every situation.

However, a Japanese person assumes that even if the rules are different from Japan’s, some rules must still exist.

That’s why their default approach is to be passive and reserved.
They assume that you will guide them step by step through the situation.

But in Estonia, we have a different expectation.
We assume that everyone can figure things out on their own.

For a Japanese person, this isn’t about being incapable—it’s about politeness.
By following each step as it’s shown to them, they make sure they’re not breaking any of our social rules.

This is the expectation that often goes unmet.
Estonians don’t realize that they should—figuratively speaking—take a Japanese guest by the hand (but only figuratively!) and guide them through every step.

This difference in expectations creates a gap that remains unfilled.

Understanding Japanese Etiquette and Culture Helps

And so, we often find Japanese behavior unusual.
But it largely depends on how we ourselves behave and what we know about Japanese culture and customs.

Japanese behavior is neither random nor incomprehensible—if you understand the context.
Once you grasp the context, communication becomes much easier.

Japanese etiquette and customs are a fascinating topic, one that could be discussed endlessly.

In the future, I’ll definitely delve deeper into various cultural nuances and situations.

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